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Should I Give Up? Or Should I Keep On Chasing Pavements, Even If It Leads No Where?

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It's an odd scenario, we want a guy to be emotionally open with us but the second he does we're like ehhhh. I guess it really depends on what they're open about. Like its one thing if they tell you how they feel about you, than it is for them too tell you that they cry every time they listen to Adele's 'Hello'. That's just too much emotion, like control yourself.  Yet there are also those moments where though have a conversation that shows they hardly have any emotion at all. That conversation that opens your eyes to their soul that makes you realize some where deep in their heart of souls, they're broken. Now you have the painful task of either mending their broken heart, or leave them exactly how you found them.




That's the question I'm asking myself with my new boyfriend now. He's pretty much everything that I'm interested in right now. Body of a God, Ambitious, Good job, he's an asshole with a heart of Gold, we clicked on a level that is unheard of. I like him. The other night we went out to eat and the conversation fell a little dead. So I decided to ask his opinion on an article that I was thinking about writing, the topic was Friends With Benefits. He said it could work if the two person involved weren't previously in a relationship and there wasn't any emotions there. As the conversation went on some how we got on the topic of temporary relationships that's where it started going. He said with the ways people are now no there's no one fights for a relationship to work. So basically there's no point, he doesn't care to fight because he doesn't want to be the only one fighting, and since they're not going to fight he doesn't care.

That's what struck me, he doesn't care to fight for someone that he cares about. This is my boyfriend telling me that if something goes wrong, he'll drop me like last season's It bag. Of course my mind raced with more questions but I didn't want to get my emotions in it, I was doing research. If I started fussing and asking well what about us then the conversation would be over right then and there. But no matter how many ways I edited the conversation, he never budged.

That was his answer. "We're born in this world alone, and we die alone."He said" It doesn't matter if you both get shot, the bullet hits one of you before it does the other." I starred deep in his eyes and I knew he meant it. I also knew that he was coming from a place of pain. He's thinking logically, realistically, like all pessimistic people say. They don't want to get there hopes up so high thinking that something would workout just to have it fail. All I could do is look at him and say "You've been hurt really bad. Haven't you?"

Of course he had, his ex, his first love left him, and no matter how hard he fought he didn't get her back. Now his heart is as cold as ice. He wants companionship but instead of enjoying the moment and the relationship, he's just waiting for the day when I leave. He'll shrug it off and carry on. Why? Because the entire time we were together he was preparing for this moment, the moment when I called it quits and gave up. But he will only see it as me leaving, not as him pushing me away and eventually giving up. He doesn't see the wall being built one brick as a time he only sees people coming up to the wall and leaving, for what he doesn't know. But he's just prepared for them to go. So he waves and puts on a smile but no one knows, not even him , if he's waving hello or goodbye.

With this new information, I'm stuck. I like him I really do, I want to see where this goes. I'm a caring person in the sense of I'll help him get over it, I also don't want to waste my time on a journey going no where. I don't want to sit here and fight to get my heartbroken either..I know a broken heart is one of the hardest things to get over but if you're not open to the possibility of love, if you're not truly willing to give it a honest try. Then what's the point of even trying? You might as well stay alone and be alone. Hiding behind the wall agreeing with yourself constantly saying,"No one wants a relationship, No one fights for love anymore. Everyone just leaves and moves on to the next person or best thing. They just want flings" Never realizing the wall you built is the one blocking love from coming your way. So here's the question: Do you fix the broken heart or do you listen to the red flags and get out before it's too late?

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