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Ain't Nothing Like The 1st Time & The Lessons We Learned

I never romanticized sex. I never thought of it to be more than two sweaty bodies bumping against each other then a grand finale. Probably because of the way I was introduced to it. When I first saw sex it was the ol' fashioned way through the internet.  I was that kid in the chat room flirting with pedophiles pretending to be a 18 or 16 girl living in Florida with an itch I just couldn't scratch. Of course the men came, back then perverts were a plenty. More than happy to help this girl find her way. It began easy enough with some suggestive messages then full on role pay.  All the dirty words and graphic scenes would fill my body up with pleasure least to say I always got excited. My curiosity got the best of me and I ended up beginning to look at porn. My first site was, very original. I remember the first picture I saw. It was a country theme with a man standing over a woman with a cowboy hat on and himself inside her, her laying back on a truck in a barn with her cowboy boots. And thus my sexual fire was lit, my curiosity peaked, and my body quiver with feelings I didn't quite understand. 

That's probably why I never got the whole romantic, flowers, and candles, sex. Like it's nice, I have experienced it once in my life but I didn't care for it. But this story is not about romantic sex. It's about the life lessons I learned from the guy who had the pleasure of taking my virginity. How I felt after and hopefully for any girls out there who haven't lost it yet, how not to do it.

I was the ripe age of 14, I considered my self experienced in the sexual arts, having done just about everything but vaginal sex, so I figured that was next. I didn't really look for love. I didn't expect it too be anything special, to me it was just sex.  I had two potential suitors, one was a guy I knew from church named Jacob, he was sweet enough. I had known him since I was little and from all aspects was a good guy. He was an usher and was also in the church's choir with me. Then there was Nick, a guy I knew from school and was the exact type of guy you didn't want your daughter to bring home. Yet he  was the one I chose. Well, I wouldn't say chose but he had gotten to me first. I remember the day I told him I was a virgin his exact words were "Oh I'm going to have fun with you" words that now give me chills to my very bones. Til this day I wonder what I would be like had I waited for Jacob, but I didn't see him often and again where would we have done it?

Anyway, back to Nick.  There was a small courtship if you call it that. We didn't continuously talk but there were nights where we would stay on the phone all night and fall asleep on the phone. I didn't see him in school often and when I did he was always about to skip. One day we had snuck out behind one of the trailers and were making out, and he oh so romantically layed out a blanket on the ground and suggested that we fuck then and there. Of course I refused. I might have not romanticized sex but I wouldn't lose it behind a trailer on a dirty blanket. So 3 months later (this is when I followed that stupid 3 month rule and you see where it got me) on Feb 12th we skipped school and went down to his house. I undressed to this awful bra that was coming apart at the straps that I had sewn together myself and my first thong, it was green with sparkly trim and had a deer on the front with the word "Pink and Frosty" on the front. I was so nervous, I had no idea what to do, so I did what I saw the girls in the pornos do. So I started kissing him. Then he bent me over and had his way with me. I won't get to graphic here but it wasn't the best feeling. After I just kinda sat there, there wasn't any cuddling, No "how was it for you" and I know I didn't climax. I went home and that was it. And I didn't hear from him for weeks after it happened. I was an emotional wreck. I was crying and angry and couldn't tell anyone. One day I did tell my "friend" Erzinne and all she could say was "No Kim not him" which would have helped me alot if she would have just told me to stay away from the get go.  

A few weeks later she had came to me and said that she saw him and confronted him about him deserting me and he said "it was all a game." It broke me, literally broke me. I cried for days and just turned cold, I didn't do anything  with anyone for a while. A few months later he called me and we had talked it out and he convinced me that she had lied, which I'm not entirely sure but she was the one who convinced me to get back with him(some bestie). A year later we had ended up together and broke up because he hit on my cousin. So there's the story of Nick. 

In a bullet list this is what I learned:
  • I should've waited.
  • if a guy gives you the option to lose your virginity on the dirty ground on an old blanket you probably shouldn't lose your V-card to him.
  • All because they say they're your friend doesnt mean that they are
  • Once a dog always a dog, never go back to the past
And if you're a girl looking to lose your virginity, wait. I'm not saying wait til you're married, just wait til you meet a guy who cares. And please don't tell him that you're a virgin maybe that's just me. I just feel like he shouldn't know because once he does he'd want to take it and that'll be his main goal. I just don't want you going through the same BS I went through. So just wait til he gives a damn about you, and care about yourself. I was a lost girl that this pig took advantage of, and it was not worth it. At all. Make sure yours is worth it and special. Good luck ladies and lads.   

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