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Thoughts On My (un)Happy Walk Of Shame

In the morning when I first rise I like to think of 10 positive thoughts to get my day and my mood started out on a good note. This day was a hard day to get out of bed for. Not only was a mildly hung over the man that I fell asleep with was not the one I woke up to. While I managed to get up and sneak out of his downtown apartment unheard, I couldn't help longing for the old days when I was settled down and woke up bare faced to the same guy every day, and fell asleep with every night. Instead of day old makeup and frantically looking for a missing eyelash, with a condom stuck to my foot. I began to feel slightly depressed. Is this going to be my life? Lurking in the shadows, having sex with strangers and leaving unheard like a succubus in the night? I suppose everyone feels this way every once in a while. Especially around this time of year when couples run wild like gazelles in the plains of Africa, while us single ladies and gents laugh like the monkeys in the trees looking down.

You often remember the happy times, the mornings when the sunlight hits the room just right and you wake up to each other, the silly little play fights, all of that. Its nice. But Ive never been the relationship type, it does have its moments but I always get this nagging feeling that I'm missing out on something. What it is, I can not tell you but there's always a better guy with better sex. I think what I really enjoy about being single is the freedom. Sure there's mornings like this but the day starts out as an adventure like today was, the "Great Escape for bar guys lair of doom".

I guess its all how you want to view things. Like this can either be a walk of shame or a morning stroll through downtown. As far as the looks you get, eh those people just don't know how to have fun! Oh to be young with endless possibilities! I think to my self as I tip toe pass my roommate doing her morning yoga and safely make it back in to my room. As I lay on my bed I begin to reminisce..

 I remember, back when I was younger I had a pool of guys. One for every need : a fun guy for drinks, a food guy when I'm hungry, the main guy when I'm feeling lonely, and the sex guy for when I just want to get f** and leave. I was never bored and I never felt obligated to really keep in touch but there was always that undeniable friends with benefits bond we had. Now I'm stuck with one night stands and exes who don't have a clue on what they want. Ive never been more confused, upset, or emotional than the day I decided to become a relationship girl. If you had to ask I'd have to say it was more fun being single, but again its all how you look at things. I might have not found the right person or I'm as free as a butterfly who just flew from the cocoon. Who knows? What I do know is I really need to shower to wash this make up & my sins away. Everything else will be dealt with another day.

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