In Body acceptance Body Positive Eating Disorder Life Positive Life Trigger Warning

What Is Body Acceptance

I have trouble accepting myself. This isn't anything new, it's something that a lot of women across the globe face.

When I was younger, I was always thin. I never had much meat on my body but I still didn't like the way I looked. For a short time, I struggled with an eating disorder where I didn't eat any more than 100 calories or less. I used to say "As long as there was something in my stomach I should be hungry, With that in mind I wouldn't eat anything more than a spinach leaf dipped in ranch, that was my lunch, dinner, and breakfast. I would spin hours in my basement working out just to beat the fat. Is it sad to say I wish I still had that kind of motivation to work out?

What snapped me back to reality was an offhand comment from one of my classmates saying I had a little booty. I rushed home and looked at myself in the mirror and realized I was nothing but bone. I rushed downstairs and had my first 'meal' in months, a pop tart and cereal. It was the best meal I ever had.

Since then I  kept the same weight until I moved out of my parent's house. I didn't really know how to make anything but pasta, so that's all I ate. Before you knew it my small 120 lb body went to 165 in as little at 3 months. I didn't even realize it til all my pants, and I really mean all, didn't fit. I was completely ashamed of myself. I started abusing laxatives and starting eating nothing but salads and of course I begin working out. It didn't help though.

My hips went nowhere and my stretch marks were still there, and I still have my belly roll.  I would see those pants sitting in my drawer mocking me, telling me I wasn't good enough.  I wasn't confident in myself and I hid in my apartment washing my tears down with wine.

I had one of my old friends come over to visit me from my hometown Maryland. They hadn't seen me in years, since 9th or 10th grade, back when I was a skinny mini. All they said with astonishment was I got thick. It didn't make me feel bad I just kind of brushed it off, I knew I gained weight, a lot of it. After he left we continued to talk and he would tell me how beautiful I was.

 Of course, he would, guys love big butts. But something happened in those rude comments. I started seeing my weight gain as a positive thing. I became curvy, yes, but just like I grow spiritually and emotionally my body was growing to handle the woman I was becoming. My marks (although I am trying to get rid of them)  show the pain I've gone through and how I came out on the other side.

Accepting yourself isn't something that comes once you've lost the weight, it's something that happens when you accept yourself, fully no matter what you look like even if it's not your goal. While I am still trying to lose weight, it's no longer to look like my old self, it's to make my new body look it's best. My hips and my fuppa aren't going anywhere, and I'll have my rolls. But I'm 100% me. get with it or get dabbed on.

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